Hello everyone, I am a pediatrician named Li Liqiang. Today I will talk about how to deal with children’s stubbornness and disobedience, and what parents should do if nothing seems to work.
Every parent may encounter moments when their children are stubborn and disobedient, which can often be frustrating and overwhelming. However, facing these behaviors with a calm and wise approach can not only effectively solve the problem but also promote harmonious parent-child relationships and growth. Here are some strategies based on children’s psychological development that can help parents better understand and cope with their children’s stubborn behavior.
1. Recognize the reasons behind stubbornness
Inadequate expression of emotions: Children have not yet developed complete emotional management skills, and sometimes stubbornness is their direct response to dissatisfaction, fear, or frustration.
Blurred boundaries: Children are exploring the world and establishing self-awareness, and their understanding of rules and boundaries is not yet complete, making them prone to overstepping.
Unmet needs: Children may express unmet or misunderstood needs through stubborn behavior, such as a desire for attention, security, or autonomy.
2. Stay calm and establish emotional connections
Breathe deeply and adjust emotions: When faced with a child’s stubbornness, parents should first adjust their own emotional state. Deep breathing can help alleviate tension and prevent emotional escalation.
Listen and empathize: Squat down, use a peaceful tone to inquire about the child’s feelings, and make the child feel valued and understood. Through listening, parents can more accurately grasp the real needs behind the child’s behavior.
3. Set clear boundaries, gently but firmly
Establish rules: Discuss and establish family rules with the child, ensuring that the rules are simple and easy to understand. At the same time, explain the reasons behind the rules to help the child understand the importance of following them.
Gentle enforcement: When a child violates the rules, parents should gently but firmly point out the problem and provide clear consequences. Avoid using threats or punishment, and instead use natural or logical consequences as learning opportunities.
4. Encourage positive behavior, positive reinforcement
Identify shining moments: When a child shows cooperative, sharing, or respectful behavior, promptly praise and reward them to enhance their motivation for positive behavior.
Guide choices: Give children limited choices, allowing them to make decisions within an acceptable range, which can satisfy their sense of autonomy while ensuring behavior is within a controllable range.
5. Cultivate emotional management skills
Emotion recognition and expression: Teach children to recognize and express their emotions through games, picture books, and other means, allowing them to learn to express dissatisfaction or needs through language rather than behavior.
Emotion regulation techniques: Guide children to learn simple emotion regulation methods such as deep breathing, counting, and confiding in friends, helping them stay calm when emotions are excited.
6. Seek professional help
Observation and assessment: if a child’s stubborn behavior continues and significantly affects daily life, parents should consider whether there are deeper issues, such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or emotional disorders. At this time, seeking professional psychological counseling or pediatric help is necessary.
Home-school cooperation: Maintain close communication with school teachers, jointly focus on the child’s behavior changes, and create a good atmosphere of home-school cooperation to provide comprehensive support and guidance for children.
Facing a child’s stubborn behavior, parents need to stay calm and patient, gradually guiding the child towards a more mature and disciplined path through efforts such as understanding, communication, setting boundaries, positive reinforcement, and cultivating emotional management skills. Every child is unique, and their growth requires time, as well as the love and wisdom of parents to accompany them.
