Source: The Voice of Medicine
In recent years, the news of “teenagers committing suicide” has continued to impact our nerves, forcing us to face a harsh reality: at an age that should be full of vitality and hope, some teenagers choose to give up their lives. The occurrence of these tragedies makes us contemplate the reasons behind them and what we can do to prevent them.
Family issues, academic pressure, campus violence… These are all possible factors that may lead teenagers down a path of no return. However, when we delve deeper into the reasons behind these tragedies, we often find that the root of the problem is more complex. The struggles and helplessness faced by teenagers in their growth process are often neglected, their breakdown is not overnight, but a result of long-term accumulation and suppression.
Xiao Jiao’s story is a microcosm of these tragedies. She is a 13-year-old girl, who outwardly appears carefree but internally suffers greatly. Her legs are covered with scars, a direct manifestation of the pain and struggle she cannot express. When Xiao Jiao and her parents visit a counseling room, her parents firmly believe that it is the child’s fragile psyche that leads to uncontrollable self-harm, feeling helpless.
Xiao Jiao comes from a financially comfortable family, with scarce arguments between parents, and she herself has always excelled in her studies. From the surface, it seems she has a happy family, but why would she choose self-harm? Xiao Jiao herself cannot explain. Later, through in-depth understanding and investigation by the counselor, the hidden truth behind this family gradually unfolds.
Though Xiao Jiao is already 13, her room’s door is like a decoration to her. Parents always quietly maneuver behind her, pretending to bring fruit baskets or calling for meals, actually peeking into her privacy. This lack of trust makes Xiao Jiao feel extreme pain. She tried to communicate with her parents, expressing her dissatisfaction and needs, but received coldness and rejection from them: “This is our home, why should you knock? You are not allowed to close the door, this is my house, not yours.”
This lack of respect and understanding in the family environment makes Xiao Jiao feel suffocated. Her inner self is filled with helplessness and despair, which reaches its peak at a family gathering. That day, Xiao Jiao and her mother finished eating at her grandmother’s house, a neighbor lady came for a visit. The grandmother, mother, and neighbor openly discussed her menstruation in front of Xiao Jiao, treating it like an object without any restraint or consideration for her privacy. This violation of privacy made Xiao Jiao feel unprecedented shame and anger.
This incident became the final straw that broke Xiao Jiao’s spirit. She began cutting herself with blades to release the pain and dissatisfaction inside her. However, this behavior did not catch the attention of her parents; instead, they considered it a sign of her psychological fragility. Xiao Jiao’s tragedy is not just her own tragedy, but a societal tragedy due to neglecting the mental health issues in adolescents.
“This child has grown up, hasn’t she?”
“She reached adulthood last month.”
“Oh, the days of stomach pain are about to begin.”
“No worries, her previous menstrual period only lasted for three days.”
…
This tragedy of Xiao Jiao being the last straw that broke her spirit entirely. She started cutting herself with blades to alleviate the pain and dissatisfaction inside her. However, this behavior did not catch the attention of her parents; instead, they considered it a sign of her psychological fragility. Xiao Jiao’s tragedy is not just her own, but a societal issue of neglecting mental health problems in teenagers.
The tragedy of teenagers committing suicide in today’s society is not just a family’s sorrow, but also a societal issue. Many children deep down feel they live for their parents and have never truly experienced happiness. When these feelings are expressed to parents, it often triggers anger and incomprehension because parents believe they have provided sufficient material conditions and care, and the children’s expressions seem overly dramatic.
However, this anger and dispute often mask the true pain and cries for help in the children’s hearts. When children engage in self-harm behaviors, they are actually sending a distress signal in despair; they may already feel hopeless about parent-child relationships and even believe giving up life is inconsequential. In their minds, life never truly belonged to them.
Karen Horney in “Our Inner Conflicts” mentioned, “All despair is fundamentally a despair over being unable to be who we really are.” This quote deeply reveals the psychological motives behind adolescent suicide phenomenon. The three core innate human needs are safety, connection with others, and a sense of achievement. In a safe and warm environment, children naturally strive to achieve their goals. However, reality often differs.
Many parents claim to be democratic, but this democracy is superficial, a “pseudo-democracy.” Under the guise of democracy, they actually exert control and manipulation. For instance, a boy’s father said, “His mom and I are very democratic, we discuss everything with him.” However, the boy bluntly retorted, “But every discussion results in your decision, listening to you!” This reflects the child’s distrust and resentment towards the so-called parental democracy.
Every parent deeply loves their child, willing to sacrifice everything for them, fearing their child will face difficulties in life. Yet, this fear inadvertently leads parents to anxiety, worry, control, and coercion, disrupting the healthy pace of their children’s growth. The excessive protection and control of parents actually suppress children’s autonomy and individuality, contrary to the children’s inner needs.
Xu Kaiwen, Deputy Director of the Peking University Mental Health Education and Counseling Center, introduced the concept of the “empty heart disease.”
What is the “empty heart disease”?
Guided by parents along the set parameters, children proceed from prestigious primary schools, to elite middle schools, to experimental high schools, until they see the “end” of this path – be it a prestigious university or a decent job, they suddenly feel their life has lost meaning.
With no dreams, not knowing what they should do; lacking direction, uncertain of their inner desires.
Later, Xu Kaiwen conducted assessments involving 100,000 university students and over 8,000 middle school students nationwide, concluding that “empty heart disease” is unrelated to educational stage or prestigious schools, it is the primary source of depression, incurable.
On October 10, 2018, an urgent search notice suddenly circulated online: “Looking for help! Hou XX, a 2016 Zhejiang University doctoral student. Posted in Moments tonight at 21:43, intended to seek peace in the Qiantang River…”
Four days later, the Qianjiang Water Police Station found a floating body in the water area upstream of the Qianjiang Fourth Bridge, after the family identified it, confirming it to be their missing doctoral student Hou XX.
In the last WeChat moments post of the rumored Hou XX, he wrote:
In today’s society, the phenomenon of teenagers committing suicide is heart-wrenching, revealing the neglect of individuals’ inner worlds and the powerlessness towards the pressures of modern life. The case of Hou XX is a reflection of this phenomenon. As a doctoral student, he externally possesses a bright future and successful life in the eyes of others, yet internally, he is lost and distressed. His message reveals a deep sense of helplessness and despair: “I don’t know how to interact with the world.”
Facing his parents, his apologetic tone is filled with guilt and helplessness, hoping in the next life not to be a burden on his parents anymore, not to hurt them again. This emotional outpouring represents deep love for parents and self-blame for failing to meet expectations. However, such feelings are often difficult for parents to comprehend. Parents might be puzzled, as in their time of material scarcity, they managed to endure, why would a child today feel such pain and confusion in a rich environment?
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Continues with translations.
