01
A man without farsightedness will surely experience close worries.
I used to think this was just polite words, but when I found out that my boyfriend bought a house before we got married and only put his name on it, but later made me repay the mortgage together after marriage, I realized that this relationship wouldn’t last long.
But in order to prove to myself that I didn’t make a wrong choice and to avoid being laughed at by my parents, I reluctantly decided to get married. Just before the wedding, I decided to follow suit and bought myself a house before obtaining the marriage certificate.
This house can be both a stronghold and a retreat, it couldn’t be more suitable as the cornerstone and backup plan for marriage.
02
My name is Li Li, 28 years old, and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years, about to enter the realm of marriage.
In fact, we are not a perfect match. On the contrary, I am an only child, well-off, and my parents are reasonable and understanding.
On the other hand, my boyfriend is the eldest son in his family, with an average family background, and his parents are just ordinary working-class people. Therefore, the conditions on both sides are not equal.
My parents have never agreed to me marrying my boyfriend, thinking that I am marrying beneath my status and will suffer in the future. But I didn’t listen, believing my parents are too materialistic and superficial. I am marrying the person, not their family background.
03
It wasn’t until I got in touch with my future in-laws that I deeply realized that marriage is not just about two people, but about two families.
When discussing marriage, within the agreed time frame, my boyfriend’s parents arrived late, which was already disappointing, but then they proposed that each side should contribute half of the down payment for the wedding house.
Although my parents were somewhat unhappy, they didn’t explode on the spot. Instead, they carefully asked if the house certificate should also have both names considering each contributing half of the down payment.
But my future mother-in-law disagreed, saying that the house certificate cannot have both names, as it would cause trouble in the future. Since the two children are about to get married, they are all one family, whether the names are on the certificate or not doesn’t matter, the house will eventually be for the children.
04
Hearing this, my parents were not pleased. If the names are not on the house certificate, then if I suffer injustices in the marriage, won’t I have any retreat or backup plan?
With disagreements from both sides, the meeting ended in discord. While my family was still upset and unwilling to negotiate, my boyfriend and his parents went straight to buy the house we had set eyes on, putting only his name on it.
Upon realizing that my boyfriend hastily bought a pre-wedding house before obtaining the marriage certificate and only put his name on it, my heart was filled with a mix of emotions. Clearly, my boyfriend and his parents were guarding against me.
My parents were also angry, thinking my boyfriend and his parents were unreliable, too scheming, and advised me to break up and cut my losses. Although I was angry at the time, I still couldn’t bear to give up this hard-won relationship.
05
Yet, I was also upset. After discussing with my parents, following suit, I bought myself a pre-wedding house before getting the certificate, only putting my name on it.
When I showed the house purchase contract to my boyfriend, instead of being happy or excited, his immediate reaction was to angrily call me, scolding me for not consulting with his family before buying the house, claiming I disregarded him.
Listening to my boyfriend’s words, I felt both ridiculous and infuriated. When he and his parents bought a house, they didn’t consult us either, did they? But when we bought a house, he demanded I discuss it with him, isn’t this blatant double standards?
My boyfriend further accused me and my parents of being calculating and said a family owning two houses would burden both salaries with mortgage repayments, affecting household budget.
06
I was stunned, as all my boyfriend wanted was to disrupt their plans. His family bought the house first, he pays the mortgage, while my salary maintains the household expenses.
Little did he know, my family acted unexpectedly, bought a house independently, no ties with his family, making it impossible for us to solely support ourselves post-marriage.
He demanded either my parents help with the mortgage after marriage or I give up the house to not affect our life together. I refused, and he jumped to the conclusion of living with your house in the future.
His actions struck me as ridiculous. How could his family buy a house before marriage, yet mine couldn’t? Isn’t that a double standard? Isn’t that selfishness? What should I do? Should I break up to cut my losses? Is it wrong for a woman to buy a house before marriage?
