Before reading this article, please click “Follow” for your convenience in discussing and sharing, bringing you a different sense of involvement. Thank you for your support.
Today’s topic is somewhat heavy, involving a mental illness. The characteristic of this illness is that not everyone can empathize with it, making it difficult to establish a connection between patients and others, and general communication is hard to help them.
Depression, a term familiar to many, recognized as the fourth major disease worldwide, is increasing in patients. Especially in recent years, with the prevalence of internet information, people have gained a deeper understanding of depression patients.
Renowned British psychoanalyst Donald W. Winnicott once said, “A person can only grow in rich relationships.” So, how can seemingly fine individuals develop depression? It all starts with the differing environments people find themselves in.
When speaking of depression, it may easily bring to mind words like “sadness,” “emotional,” and “self-control.” Through interviews with many depression patients, it was generally summarized that they experience unbearable psychological events, lack emotional control, and struggle to think positively.
For instance, a depression patient once mentioned that when his mother was sick, he couldn’t control his inner complaints even while shopping, asking himself how he could be out shopping while his mother was in bed. Similarly, a student under immense pressure, affected by depression, had to temporarily stop studying, unable to control intrusive thoughts, weeping daily.
The consequences of depression are indeed frightening, but the causes are generally complex, not singular. Today, we will tell the story of a man who should have been envied, a “diamond bachelor,” who tragically resorted to suicide due to depression, wasting a vibrant life.
A veteran media figure chose to end his life, and depression is akin to a ferocious beast attacking. At 58, is this age considered young for a person? Apparently not, as 58 represents reaching middle age in traditional Chinese culture, nearing the “60th birthday” milestone.
It is generally believed that people at this age are more accepting, go with the flow, meaning they have passed halfway in life, and are more accepting of things not going their way, pursuing a natural attitude.
However, this theory varies among individuals. Just recently, a news item caught people’s attention: on September 3, 2023, the renowned media figure Xi Rui committed suicide by jumping off a building at the age of 58.
This news attracted much attention and discussion. Some online comments suggested understanding Xi Rui’s situation, attributing his choice to economic pressures that became unbearable, while others mentioned his long-standing battle with depression and dissatisfaction with life.
But from the words Xi Rui left on his personal social media before the incident, it seemed he had prepared for that day. So, what could have driven a middle-aged man to jump from the 24th floor to end his life?
From the “farewell letter” he left behind before taking his life, we gain some insights. In the early hours of the incident day, Xi Rui posted an “open letter” on his personal social account, mostly discussing his spiritual needs.
Why say this? First, let’s look at his mention of the term “parallel universe.” This term is not unfamiliar to internet users nowadays, as it has appeared in various contexts. For example, a famous American Marvel movie in recent years had a “Captain America” series mentioning the theme of a parallel universe.
What does the parallel universe mean, and why did Xi Rui bring it up in his final message? Actually, this is an astronomy term, signifying a finite or infinite set. To explain, events happening on our Earth at the same time compared to another Earth in a parallel universe may differ, but they occur simultaneously – that’s the parallel universe.
There’s also the possibility that you are yourself, within your current life trajectory, but if
the parallel universe truly exists, there could be another you elsewhere, maybe on another
planet, these multiple versions of you might not be entirely similar.
Just as the current you has low monthly income and an ordinary job, but in a parallel universe, a version of you excels in certain traits, achieving great success, wealth, and power, etc.
However, proving the existence of parallel universes remains difficult in academia. Hence, up to now, we slightly comprehend that each word left behind by a dying person is very precious as it represents their final sentiments while alive.
Ideals do not yield to the world; extreme pessimism leads to tragedy. In Xi Rui’s message, he professed a belief in the existence of parallel universes, combined with the undertone of his pessimistic attitude, fully expressing his silent protest against dissatisfactions.
When he mentions the various professions he engaged in, Xi Rui appears to have a personality characterized by being changeable or versatile, evident from his fluctuating career path, even spanning across different industries.
From teaching to journalism, from editing to online media, and his authorship endeavors, Xi Rui truly fits the bill as a cultured individual, his work requiring substantial cultural knowledge.
However, there’s a phenomenon known as “overthinking intellectual,” whereby excessive reading is linked to complex thoughts at the intellectual level, common within the cultural industry. This seems like a self-contained phenomenon. Thus far, Xi Rui appears unable to extricate himself from this swirling dilemma.
With an air of sadness evident in his words, Xi Rui seemed to express grievance, repression, and helplessness in his message. It seems that he faced life as a matter of being manipulated and unable to resist, portraying a passive character who finds it hard to break free from adversity.
He depicted his future life as “dull and monotonous,” reflecting a perception of life leaving him dissatisfied and filled with complaints. Xi Rui even expressed a reluctance to live up to the average lifespan of the Chinese population.
Xi Rui’s sorrow might have deep roots, as contemplating suicide is often a result of accumulated and distorted mental states, perhaps his depression.
As previously mentioned, the triggers leading to an outbreak of depression are multifaceted and cannot be attributed to a single cause.
Xi Rui’s note also referred to undergoing medical examinations and discovering various illnesses, notably urinary system diseases causing severe pain and torment, contributing to his desire for liberation.
His “farewell letter” mentioned love but was succinct, lacking precise reference to any individual. The mention of “those women” implies he was romantically involved with multiple women, yet with time passing, those connections diminished. Just like the lyrics in a song: “They all have aged, where are they now, we’re like this, each chasing our own dreams…”
In conclusion, Xi Rui’s life was undoubtedly successful. Although some may question this assertion, it’s evident that his path led to this point, and why can’t his journey be considered successful? Now, let’s delve into my perspective on Xi Rui.
Xi Rui is not a failure; everyone has their own aspirations, honoring the deceased. I don’t view him from the perspective of being a public figure in the past. Of course, his choice of death, personally ending his life, was undoubtedly a consequence of unbearable pain. However, when you consider he’s a cultural figure immersed in the mundane world, he’s not “holy” and cannot escape the ordinary.
In his words, it appears as though he was striving towards an almost “saintly” state. He stated, “I am someone born for inner divine dreams. If that’s considered proud, then I have been proud my entire life.”
Coupled with Xi Rui’s professional journey, I believe he was emotionally rich, clear-headed, with profound cultural insights, not a muddled person. Even in his lifetime, he contributed plenty to society.
Specifically, Xi Rui initiated cultural programs, interviewed renowned figures, bridging the gap between the general public and these figures. Moreover, he actively promoted national cultural activities by organizing or leading numerous events, enhancing the public’s understanding of the country’s culture.
All these are indelible achievements. Yet, he claimed he lived in a manner he did not like. Some might perceive him as naïve, but those with life experience understand that life’s meaning is not always about achieving an ideal state but being content with a life status that one can achieve.
Regarding each person’s pursuit of life; Xi Rui lived with his inner ideals, should also be respected. The phrase “everyone has their own aspirations” accurately captures the difference between understanding and misunderstanding Xi Rui.
More importantly, considering that he was willing to live for his ideals, and upon realizing the growing disparity between his ideals and reality, he chose to end it all, perhaps for him, a form of culmination. Why do I describe his conclusion as “liberation”? Let’s consider the conclusions drawn from an objective analysis of Xi Rui.
The causes of suicide are multifaceted, living well is the true human challenge. Through his personal history, it’s apparent that from a young age, Xi Rui experienced hardships, losing both parents early in life. For a child without parents, the difficulties of growing up must have been immense. While other children might be enjoying an innocent childhood and vibrant teenage years, Xi Rui had to learn to survive early on.
An even more heart-wrenching detail is that although Xi Rui was 58 at the time of his passing, he remained unmarried and childless. When he fell ill and found no one to care for or accompany him, perhaps the inner desolation within him intensified.
While innate conditions are beyond anyone’s control, one can steer one’s life. Yet, Xi Rui chose to navigate life alone. Only he knows the reasons, while others can only speculate. However, based on common values, staying single and childless signifies fault in some sense.
As for this, I respectfully disagree. A person’s happiness and values should not hinge on marriage or procreation. Each person is not born to depend on others, and as long as one does not commit harmful acts, if they find value in themselves, they need not live by others’ judgments.
Unfortunately, we can’t be certain if Xi Rui truly transcended. Just before his passing, a well-known singer, Li Min, died from depression. As a media figure, Xi Rui addressed netizens, expressing his views on the matter, urging everyone to face life joyfully.
It came as a surprise that a public figure who had been benevolent in offering advice to the public resorted to the same fate soon after. His demise became a topic of discussion, with some mentioning his economic pressures as a contributing factor.
However, after digging into Xi Rui’s assets, it seems this issue may not have existed. Known for steering away from vices like gambling and owning luxurious goods, he wasn’t wasteful financially, and being childless did not impose significant financial burdens on him.
According to business reports, Xi Rui’s online company had a registered capital of up to 15 million, and his career development seemed sound, involving newspapers, magazines, advertising, online columns, etc., offering a broad spectrum of lucrative opportunities. Some even claim Xi Rui’s assets had already crossed the thirty-million mark.
In any case, Mr. Xi Rui eventually departed. A devoted fan of his left a message on his “last work”: “May you find a harmonious voice in heaven.” Indeed, no matter depression or any other reason, the disappearance of a person from this world is a saddening event.
Live authentically, live powerfully. Wishing each of us can turn life into a clear path, not being afraid or backing down due to setbacks. Moreover, may every kind-hearted individual find their own happiness, whether in marriage or alone, in illness or in health, in poverty or wealth. First and foremost, please learn to take care of yourself and prevent being shrouded in darkness.
