My depression history has been 12 years, it started in high school and only came out of it last year. At the most severe times, I suffered from severe insomnia, feeling dizzy and unable to think clearly every day. Whenever I tried to think about anything, I would experience intense pain. My head felt like it had become dull, unable to remember anything. I cried all day, tears flowing inexplicably. Later on, I even had thoughts of suicide, and in fact, if it weren’t for my older sister six years ago, I would have been dead already.
My twelve years of depression pushed me almost to the edge of death in the first six years. I should have been enjoying the age of happiness, but I just couldn’t find the path to happiness. That year, I stood on a bridge, wrestled for a long time but couldn’t jump. When I told my thoughts of suicide to my older sister, she cried with me over the phone for more than an hour. I realized that living was not just for myself. Since then, I started my own redemption. Depression was severe, I was not talkative, yet I decided to become a salesperson, and unexpectedly, I managed to pull through.
Some fellow patients were luckier than me because I couldn’t afford to see a doctor, and I definitely couldn’t afford those expensive medications. All I could do was change my mindset.
First, acknowledging that fate is unfair. I used to live in a world of fantasies, believing that no one understood how much suffering I experienced, that no one cared about me. Suffering was my destiny, and I had to accept it willingly.
Secondly, stop shedding tears. Crying only demands strength from oneself, it doesn’t solve the root problem, it just leads to deeper misery. Now, I won’t cry no matter what.
Next, make myself smile. Initially, my smiles were awkward, but regardless of the problem, I would smile, realizing that what I used to find unbearable was now insignificant.
Then, tell myself not to be afraid. I used to be very insecure, afraid to face people, afraid of being mocked. Now I’m basically like a normal person.
That’s what I did, it took me 5 years, and I’ve mostly stepped out of the shadow of depression. Previously, life with depression was dark and gloomy, now the sunlight finally shines through, being a normal person feels good.
