What is “Sociophobia”?
The official explanation is: Social phobia, also known as social anxiety disorder, is a mental illness characterized by intense fear or anxiety in any social or public situation. Patients have a significant and persistent fear in social or performance situations where they may be observed by strangers or others, afraid that their behavior or nervous performance may lead to embarrassment or humiliation. Some patients find it difficult to attend gatherings, make phone calls, shop at stores, or ask authority figures. In today’s society, individuals with social phobia are not uncommon, but as humans are social animals, those with social phobia are bound to encounter many difficulties. However, most of these difficulties can be overcome gradually with prolonged exposure and interaction. Nevertheless, for those who have extreme social phobia, like Zhang Jinsheng, it is a different story.
Zhang Jinsheng, a doctoral student of medicine at Peking University, is a typical “child from another family”. He was exceptionally obedient and sensible since childhood, coming from a poor background but receiving the greatest support in his studies from his family. For the sake of studying, he spent ten years in the cold window of opportunity, avoiding mundane matters. He carried the hopes of his family, and to ease the burden, his two sisters married early, and his parents did everything to support his education. He did not disappoint the expectations of his family and managed to get into college. At that time, university students were highly valued in society. As the only university student in the village for decades, he was the pride of the whole village. It was thought that the difficult days for his family would finally come to an end, but an unexpected turn of events appeared. Perhaps no one could have imagined that this decision would plant a time bomb. When filling out his preferences, under the advice of many, he abandoned his original major in civil engineering and chose medicine. In 1984, at the age of 18, Zhang Jinsheng successfully entered Hunan Medical University. Holding on to the belief of scores being the only criterion, he thought it would be fine to study a major that was not his favorite.
The first lesson in college hit him hard. Before that, he had no social activities apart from studying. Despite being a provincial exam top scorer, he was stumped by introducing himself, as if a barrier existed between him and others. Throughout his university life that followed, he remained a loner, but with excellent grades, life was somewhat satisfactory. However, if every moment of his life before university was in the spotlight, his post-graduation work life was filled with darkness.
Upon entering the hospital, Zhang Jinsheng discovered his fear of blood, a fatal flaw for a doctor, especially in clinical medicine. He was extraordinary in a particular way. Not only was he hindered in his work, but his interaction with colleagues was abysmal. Feeling dissatisfied in every aspect, two years later, he decided to return to campus to pursue his profession. Like a fish in water when it came to studying, he successfully got into postgraduate studies at Peking University School of Medicine, choosing hematology due to the limitations of his profession. His return to campus was not entirely pure; it was an escape from fear and reality.
After obtaining his doctoral degree from university, he still sought to escape – by choosing to study abroad. However, his family could not afford the cost of his overseas education. Frustrated by shattered ideals and the harsh blow of reality, he developed depression and had to take a break from studies at home. But life does not give you a chance to catch your breath. With heavy responsibilities on his shoulders, as his parents aged and awaited the time when their child would support them, Zhang Jinsheng had to work in a hospital. The fear of blood and social phobia weighed heavily on him, but even though unsatisfied with his professional life, he chose to endure silently for his family’s sake. During this period, he had a girlfriend, but it ended in a breakup. Subsequently, he chose to return to his hometown, unemployed and relying on his parents for support. Facing rejections in job applications due to high expectations and low skills, he eventually resorted to relying on his family and elder sister, as at the age of 56, he could only live on low welfare assistance.
Many people may pity him or even blame him as “high scores, low abilities”, saying he only knows how to study. But put yourself in his shoes – being both socially phobic and hemophobic while being a doctor. Such a dramatic setup might be unimaginable for most people, but it happened to Zhang Jinsheng, who lacked the courage to overcome his fears. His low life skills were not developed from childhood, while his social phobia was a helplessness nurtured by life, and his hemophobia was innate.
As for those who criticize him from a moral high ground, his degree alone could outshine many individuals. Everyone has their fears, but we cannot simply evade them. When faced with problems, we should think about how to solve them rather than how to avoid them, as ultimately, we might still encounter them. When making choices, we should follow our hearts and not go against our initial intentions for personal gains. Choosing something unsuitable for ourselves will undoubtedly come at a cost since ill-fitting shoes will inevitably hurt our feet sooner or later.
