Afang is a high school freshman with a father, mother, and two younger sisters. She was raised by her grandparents since childhood. Her grades are below average in the class. Afang’s main issues are interpersonal relationships and the learning obstacles they entail. Having lost her mother at a young age and being raised by her grandparents who spoil her, she has a strong sense of self-awareness. Due to the lack of maternal love and limited paternal attention, as her father is busy providing for the family, she is eager for affection and friendship but struggles with interpersonal interactions.
Frowning, Afang entered the counseling room, and once seated, she eagerly said, “Teacher Liu, I have poor social relationships, I don’t understand why I am kind to others, yet they don’t befriend me. I feel like I am unwelcome. I also find it hard to concentrate on studying, my mind easily wanders. Can you help me?” She finished speaking with anxious eyes, looking at me.
Me: Can you provide a specific example of how you interact with your classmates?
Afang: For instance, when my good friend came to me after class to play, I had homework to do, so I couldn’t join her. After that, she started ignoring me.
Me: Does this happen frequently?
Afang: It’s pretty much the same thing. I tend to do my homework after class and not go out to play.
Me: Are there any other instances?
Afang: Another example is that I feel like I am very accommodating to others, but they don’t pay me any attention. They enjoy watching Korean dramas, but I find them too low-level; I prefer American shows. So when they talk about Korean dramas, I can’t join in. Once, a classmate approached me, and we went to eat together. While conversing on the way to the cafeteria, we clashed again over this issue. Eventually, it led to me having meals alone. I actually enjoy eating alone as it gives me more independence.
During our conversation, I noticed she emphasized two points repeatedly: her preference for being alone and her indifferent attitude when introducing her family members, “Dad, mom, and two younger sisters. Both my sisters and I have different mothers; I only live under the same roof as my stepmother.” From her narrative, I gathered that she is detached from her family members, especially her stepmother, with whom she has a cold relationship. Her stepmother has her own children and doesn’t pay much attention to her. Additionally, her father, preoccupied with his new family, has limited interaction with her.
Listening attentively, I intermittently responded, realizing that she lacked affection within the family. Her grandparents raised her with care, but with minimal affection. Her father was absent during her childhood, and later, with a new family, he paid less attention to her needs. In her teenage years, longing for maternal care and support, she felt lonely and craved both familial and friendly connections but struggled with social interactions.
Me: Indeed! If you go to your good friend and find her busy with homework each time, besides feeling upset, what else do you feel?
Afang: Then, I won’t approach her next time.
She nodded vigorously with bright eyes.
Me: You mentioned having no interest in studies, is that true? Are you uninterested in all subjects?
Afang: No, that’s not true. I’m very interested in history.
Me: Why history specifically?
Afang: Because the history teacher makes the lessons exciting; I like the history teacher and the class itself. Though my history grades aren’t great, and the teacher criticizes me, I only felt a bit sad at the time but didn’t take it to heart. However, there are subjects and teachers I dislike.
Me: How are your grades in history?
Afang: The best among all subjects.
Me: Besides the interest, what else contributes to your good performance in history?
Afang: I pay attention in class, review promptly after class, and ask the teacher questions when needed.
Subconsciously, I identified Afang’s pathological memory. In the third grade, she joined an extracurricular class where other students were older, making it challenging for her to understand or learn, causing immense pressure. In one class, the teacher made all students stand and asked questions; those who answered correctly could sit, while the rest had to stand as punishment. Neither Afang nor another classmate answered correctly, making them stand, and she felt extremely embarrassed, believing the teacher was mocking her, feeling pressured to dedicate all her time to studies. By restructuring Afang’s pathological memory, her tense emotions began to calm.
After two months of memory restructuring intervention, Afang returned to school successfully. Her mid-term grades improved across subjects, and her relationships with classmates significantly improved, leading to new friendships. Afang’s mother reported that during this period, her daughter’s emotions were stable, and her interactions with parents became more harmonious.
