Text by: Mò Rán
Marriage is the union of two spirits; it is about having a partner to face life’s challenges hand in hand.
However, it seems not everyone truly treats their partner as their closest person; often, women are seen as outsiders in the eyes of men.
In real life, women realize only after getting married that they have always been the sole outsider.
When a man displays certain behaviors, a woman should understand that in his eyes, she is merely an outsider.
Financial transparency is lacking
If you choose to marry, then the couple is a community that shares blessings and hardships together—that is the best state of marriage.
Couples form a community of interests, so naturally, financial matters should be transparent; that is how trust is built.
If, in a marriage, a man is unwilling to let you know his actual income or involve you in family financial management, it is clear he doesn’t see you as the one he wants to walk through life with.
A man who genuinely wishes to build a life with you will voluntarily hand over the money to you to manage the household.
If a man hides his earnings, fearing that you might discover how much he makes and needing to keep you at a distance, he has not considered living sincerely with you.
A man who cannot sincerely treat you well, is reluctant to give, and unwilling to spend money on you, clearly does not regard you as one of his own but sees you as an outsider; at this point, it’s time to seriously contemplate your relationship.
Not consulting you when issues arise
It is said that marriage requires joint management, facing and solving problems together; this is the normal mode of marriage.
The foundation of a lasting marriage is respect—discussing matters together.
In marriage, if a man never consults you in decision-making, never asks for your opinion, and always acts unilaterally, he only sees himself and ignores you.
A man who does not care for your feelings or respect your wishes does not regard you as his wife; in his eyes, you are an outsider.
A man who truly considers you one of his own will proactively share and involve you in life.
A man who does not respect you, does not inform you of anything, and makes decisions on his own, has no place for you in his heart.
For a man who does not care about you, reality must be recognized, and losses should be mitigated promptly.
Pointing fingers at you first during conflicts
In marriage, there is no such thing as a perfect union; there are only two people continuously accommodating each other.
The most common issue in marriage is the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, which is unavoidable.
Even the best mother-in-law can have disagreements, and the man’s attitude during these times is very important.
A man who genuinely cares for you will not indiscriminately blame you, but will make a fair judgment.
If, during conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the man does not seek the reason but immediately blames you, disregarding your feelings, such a man only cares for his family and parents, with no regard for you.
A man who sees you as his own will defend you in tough situations and will proactively resolve conflicts with his mother, preventing you from being put in difficult positions.
A man who only knows to protect his parents is treating you as an outsider; it is time to understand this early on.
Conclusion:
Marriage should be a mutual process of giving between two people; a man who does not regard you as important, showing no concern for your feelings, treating you as an outsider is one you should consider letting go of.
At all times, recognize reality; those who do not care for you or respect you are not worth your love and effort.
Good marriage is always about walking hand in hand and cherishing one another, rather than sacrificing for you.
