Evan is a school teacher who has just obtained a doctoral degree, and the passage of time always makes him feel anxious. He is also very concerned about how others evaluate him, these issues have been troubling him, so he decided to seek my help at the counseling center.
In our counseling room, Evan looked a little nervous, quivering as he began to speak, “I have always been unable to shake off the self-blame emotions. Over a year ago, I had an encounter with a girl who was inexperienced, and I deeply regretted that incident.”
I encouraged him to elaborate, “Can you tell me in detail what exactly happened?”
Evan took a deep breath and then said, “She had deep feelings for me. We met online and chatted for over a month. At that time, it had been more than two months since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, and I felt lonely and in need of companionship. Her presence filled the void in my heart. We also went on a date, and that evening was actually very pleasant. We had dinner, drank a little, and then…” Evan’s voice lowered.
I asked softly, “And then what happened?”
Evan continued, “We… we started to engage in some intimate behaviors that went beyond friendship. She admitted it was her first time, and I felt very conflicted, but ultimately, we did not proceed further. We just kissed and touched, and I actually felt relieved about it because I knew I had… timing issues.”
Curiously, I asked, “It seemed like you two got along well. So why did you eventually feel you weren’t suitable for each other?”
Evan slowly replied, “That incident made me fearful of further involvement with girls, and I didn’t want to hurt anyone again. My ex-girlfriend also complained to me a few times about the short duration of that incident. Additionally, I’ve been thinking, if I didn’t have this issue, would that night’s events or our relationship have been different?”
After summarizing his situation, I responded, “Firstly, you acted responsibly by not letting the situation escalate and sharing your true feelings with her. As for whether things would have been different without the timing issue, that’s unknowable. We can’t change the past, only influence the future. Regarding the issue you mentioned, many men have faced similar dilemmas and found solutions. You have taken an important step by bravely facing the problem and being willing to seek solutions. Change is possible as long as you are willing.”
At the end of the consultation, I encouraged Evan to maintain an open attitude and remember that everyone has their own growth process and challenges. Facing one’s own issues is the first step to solving them, and seeking help and being willing to change are key to a better future. When Evan left, he appeared more relaxed and confident than when he arrived, which made me believe that he had taken a solid step towards improvement and growth.
I am Dr. Tian Yazhu/Chen Yiqing, a sex therapist from Taiwan, endorsing my happy career, providing one-on-one tailored counseling, and professionally solving various issues in relationship life!
