Clearly, he is a 9-year-old boy who tends to become emotional when faced with writing difficulties, lacking confidence and initiative in problem-solving.
——Child’s Profile
Parent’s Letter
Teacher:
Hello, I am Mingming’s mother.
Mingming’s recent situation has been driving me crazy. Despite my numerous reminders and guidance on the essay assigned by the teacher, he did not take it seriously until he hastily put together a piece just before submission.
I told him that this essay was off-topic and needed revision, but he stubbornly retorted, “I won’t change it, let’s see what the teacher says.” Even when the teacher asked for a re-edit, he was still irritable and resistant.
I wanted to help him by finding materials and organizing his thoughts together, but he had no patience at all; instead, he lost control of his emotions, pushing chairs and knocking on tables.
Even though he eventually sought help after stabilizing his emotions and made significant revisions to the essay content, I am still worried about his emotional outbursts during the process, showing no proactive attitude towards problem-solving.
Regarding the revision process of this essay, I always feel like walking a tightrope, trying to balance parent-child relationships and growth. Mingming’s resistance and temper make me reflect; I don’t know how to help him learn emotional management? Whenever he feels overwhelmed by tasks like essays, my heart feels heavy, saddened, and powerless.
Despite knowing his shortcomings in abilities – limited vocabulary, lack of visual expression – I still hope that with my help, he can gradually overcome them. However, his resistance made me realize that external assistance alone is not enough; what matters more is the transformation within him.
But how can this transformation be guided? I feel lost.
——Mingming’s Mother
Coach’s Reply
Mingming’s Mother:
Hello, from your detailed account, I noticed the challenges you faced with your child in the essay writing process. Despite your repeated reminders, Mingming still couldn’t complete the essay task on time; when asked to revise the essay, Mingming’s emotions became extremely resistant and frustrated.
Throughout this process, you tried different methods and attitudes towards your child, from initial assistance and guidance to eventually letting go, but the results seemed disappointing. Your feelings shifted from anticipation to helplessness and anger, which is quite normal for a mother.
The core issue is: the child feels afraid and resistant towards writing and lacks autonomy in completing essay tasks; at the same time, when faced with difficulties, the child easily loses control of emotions and cannot cope effectively. This might be because Mingming lacks confidence in his writing abilities and also lacks effective strategies to handle pressure and solve problems.
In this process, the child may experience strong internal conflicts, wanting to complete the assignment to gain parental approval, but feeling overwhelmed by the task’s difficulty and parental expectations.
Firstly, I suggest guiding Mingming to use positive self-talk to regulate his emotions. When facing challenges like essay writing, he can say to himself, “Although essay writing is hard, every attempt is progress,” or “I can take it step by step, no need to rush.” This approach can help Mingming break free from negative self-evaluation, acknowledge his efforts, and affirm minor progress.
Next, parents can help Mingming create a simple essay plan. For example, start with a few sentences of description, then add details, and gradually expand the content. This plan should be achievable, allowing Mingming to feel progress and accomplishment, thus gradually building his confidence in writing.
In this process, the parent’s role is to accompany and support, not criticize or rush. Clearly state that regardless of the essay’s outcome, the child is praiseworthy because the effort and attempts matter most.
Furthermore, you can teach Mingming how to shift his focus, avoiding excessive anxiety or impulsiveness when facing challenges. For example, when encountering writer’s block, he can engage in activities he enjoys, such as drawing or listening to music, briefly diverting his attention before returning to writing, which can help him relax and face the essay task with a calmer mindset.
Through these strategies, our goal is not only to help Mingming tackle current writing challenges but also to cultivate his self-regulation skills, enabling him to face future difficulties with more confidence and strategic approaches.
——ADHD Family Intervention Coach Teacher Lu
Parent’s Reply
Teacher Lu:
Hello, after receiving your reply, I was deeply inspired. We discussed and came up with a feasible essay writing step-by-step plan, setting small goals and celebrating each completion. At the beginning, Mingming was somewhat resistant, but as we progressed step by step, he began to feel a sense of achievement.
This attempt made me realize that I might have been overly focused on the outcome, neglecting the encouragement and communication along the way. Through this plan, Mingming’s confidence has significantly improved, and he has started to face writing more positively.
I also noticed that when I changed my attitude, replacing criticism with encouragement, Mingming’s attitude towards writing became more positive. He even started sharing his writing process with me after completing the essay task and discussing his thoughts and feelings together.
This experience made me realize the immense impact of a parent’s attitude and approach on a child. The child’s progress does not solely rely on supervision or criticism but requires patience, understanding, and timely encouragement. I am very grateful for your advice, which not only helped me and Mingming make progress in essay writing but, more importantly, strengthened our trust and communication, giving me more confidence and ability to face future challenges.
——Mingming’s Mother
