Living with depression is not easy, and loved ones often offer help when they express concern. However, this help can often backfire, like a simple well-intentioned phrase “Don’t overthink it” that can easily have the opposite effect.
How to accompany someone with depression? Understand where it comes from first. Professor Rong Xinqi, a mental health expert, states that before understanding how to interact with individuals with depression, it is essential to first understand why depression occurs.
Key factors contributing to depression include environmental, psychological, and physiological aspects:
· Environmental factors: such as marital issues, family dynamics, academic pressure, work stress, social interactions, financial concerns, as well as situations like separations, loss, and natural disasters;
· Psychological factors: influenced by environmental aspects, leading to the formation of different personality traits such as perfectionism, a need for achieving the best outcomes, or a perception that everything around oneself is related to them;
· Physiological factors: including genetics, hormonal influences, and phenomena like menopause experienced by both men and women. Research also indicates differences in the amygdala structure of individuals with depression compared to the general population. These are common triggers of depression.
【What Not to Say to Someone with Depression】
From the above, it is clear that regardless of the factors, individuals do not choose to experience depression, similar to how nobody wishes for a rainy day or slippery roads leading to accidents.
What individuals with depression need most urgently are not improvement suggestions since they may have considered and attempted many recommendations already. Support and advice, though well-intentioned, often result in adverse effects, such as the common phrase “Don’t overthink it.”
Before offering help, it is crucial to consider whether these methods are genuinely beneficial for the individual. The following are common examples that can help guide further actions.
1. “Don’t overthink it”
While this statement may seem comforting and neutral, it can inadvertently imply that the individual is overthinking without a valid reason, undermining the importance of their mental struggles.
2. “Others have it worse than you”
While this statement may seem reasonable, each person leads a unique life with different challenges. Comparing situations dismisses individual experiences and the varying levels of tolerance for difficulties. It may convey a message that diminishes the legitimacy of one’s problems.
3. “Be normal”
Common remarks like “I hope you can go back to being normal” can be hurtful as they suggest that a person with depression is abnormal. Using terms like “normal life” or “normal person” indirectly imply that the individual is abnormal, causing distress. It is essential to be mindful of how such words might affect the individual.
4. “It’s because you’re not grateful”
Depression is not linked to happiness or gratitude. As mentioned earlier, the origins of depression vary, and outsiders may not understand the individual’s challenges or circumstances. Using motivating words that provoke guilt may be too intense for individuals coping with depression and can exacerbate their negative feelings. Remember, their struggles are not by choice, and their experiences are unique and complex.
【How to Support Individuals with Depression】
1. Empathy
When supporting individuals with depression, the key is not about “what help you can provide” but rather “what the individual needs.” Empathy, or the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, entails listening, being present, and encouraging positive actions. It is vital to stand in their shoes, listen to them, offer appropriate encouragement, and respect their wishes if they decline assistance. Effective companionship often surpasses mere statements like “Don’t overthink it.”
2. Moderate Praise
Individuals with depression often struggle with self-doubt, so when you notice something positive, don’t hesitate to acknowledge it sincerely. Offering positive affirmations can boost their confidence and reduce unnecessary self-criticism. Avoid excessive praise that may come across as insincere or uncomfortable.
3. Encouragement over Criticism
Everyone makes mistakes, and individuals with depression are no exception. When addressing errors, it is more helpful to encourage with constructive feedback rather than criticize. Informing them about the negative implications of their actions is more productive than using emotionally charged language like “What have you done now?”
4. Moderate Accompaniment
Individuals with depression value stability in their support system. Apart from showing empathy in words and actions, maintaining a consistent presence is crucial. Maintaining a balance between closeness and distance is essential, avoiding the tendency to shoulder all responsibilities, as individuals are not professional caregivers. Providing empathetic support, encouraging interests, promoting healthy habits, and extending help are similar to interactions with any other person.
5. Discovering Keys
Everyone has psychological needs, sometimes unrecognized even by themselves, including individuals with depression. These needs may serve as the key to alleviating their struggles, such as faith, hobbies, social connections, or serene landscapes. Encouraging them to explore different avenues under safe circumstances can assist in finding the key to their mental well-being. Research indicates that a positive religious faith can aid in alleviating depression, but it is essential to promote a belief system based on positive values. Encouraging individuals to engage with religious beliefs should involve open discussions, listening, and understanding if it genuinely benefits them.
