“Is ‘mental illness’ cultivated? What kind of family is prone to raising unhealthy children?
In 1956, British psychologist Gregory Bateson proposed the concept of double bind, believing that “double bind” is an important cause of schizophrenia. When a person simultaneously sends conflicting messages on different levels of communication to another person, the recipient must respond, but no matter how they respond, they will face rejection or denial, easily leading to a dilemma where schizophrenia symptoms manifest as an expression of this pain.
Double bind in family education, in simple terms, means that children often receive two or more contradictory messages, not knowing how to react, yet being forced to react. Under emotional pressure, children may doubt their choices, attributing all errors to themselves, feeling incapable of meeting their parents’ expectations.
For instance, if a child doesn’t do household chores, they are called lazy; if they do, they are criticized for not doing them well. If a child scores 70, it’s considered too low; if 98, it’s questioned why not a perfect 100. No matter what the child does, faults are always found.
These parents hope for their children to think independently but expect them to act solely according to their desires.
Parents may argue that this type of upbringing is to help their children perform better and prevent them from becoming arrogant. However, when children are immersed in emotional constraints imposed by parents for an extended period, the inability to meet contradictory expectations can lead to internal conflicts, affecting self-awareness and potentially leading to psychological issues, even schizophrenia.
How to change the double bind in families?
Cultivate children with a developmental mindset. Parents need to break away from their own upbringing and not impose their education directly onto their children. Reflect on oneself rather than blaming the child and learn to listen to one another.
When educating children, ensure consistency in words and actions. Minimize negativities towards the child, help them identify reasons for problems and guide them towards the right direction.
Be principled when meeting children’s needs. Explain gently why certain needs cannot be met to avoid building up expectations that cannot be fulfilled and causing psychological gaps.
In daily life, parents should observe and understand their children more, adjusting their parenting methods according to their physiological and psychological changes as they grow. This is part of the process of learning to become competent parents.
Double bind is a common yet complex psychological phenomenon that can impact individual mental health and interpersonal relationships. If parents recognize this tendency in themselves and its influence on their children but don’t know how to adjust, seeking help from professionals and making systematic adjustments can help break free from the double bind, establishing a healthier and more harmonious parent-child relationship.
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