In the cognition of many people, when looking for a partner, women tend to seek someone of the same age or older.
However, in recent years, this perception has gradually been shattered. More and more TV series are featuring sweet relationships between older women and younger men. In real life, the number of such relationships is also increasing. Compared to the past, it must be acknowledged that there is a growing trend in these kinds of relationships.
Research data shows:
In 1990, marriages with older men and younger women accounted for 70%, while marriages with younger men and older women were at 13.32%. Twenty years later, marriages with older men and younger women declined to 43.13%, while marriages with younger men and older women rose to 40.13%, and this trend continues.
The increasing number of relationships between older women and younger men indicates greater acceptance in society towards diverse relationship dynamics. Age is no longer a barrier to marriage, and such relationships are becoming more widely accepted. It also reflects the gradual improvement in the status of women, giving them more say in choosing a partner.
In the world of love, age is not a significant factor. Regardless of age differences in relationships, they eventually come down to practical matters such as clothing, meals, marriage, and having children. For older woman-younger man relationships, if the woman has decent financial means, issues like clothing and meals might not be a problem. However, if the woman is significantly older, fertility can become a major obstacle to the development of the relationship.
Previously, I saw a video where a woman at 46 dated a 26-year-old man and faced a breakup due to childbearing issues.
Event Recap:
In the video, a woman in fur clothing sitting in front of a doctor for consultation is Sister Zhang (pseudonym). Although her face is not clearly shown, her dressing style appears mature and well-off.
From the numerous pictures related to children hanging on the wall behind the doctor’s desk, it seems that the department Sister Zhang visited is likely related to children. Upon sitting down, she tells the doctor that she is 46 years old and has a boyfriend who is 20 years younger. Upon hearing this age difference, even the doctor was shocked and exclaimed:
“You’re quite capable to have found a 20-year-old guy.”
Sister Zhang mentioned that she had been living with her boyfriend for 5 years and they still hadn’t had a child. Therefore, her boyfriend suggested that if they couldn’t have a child, he would break up with her. To stabilize their relationship, she wanted to check her health to see if she could still conceive a child and hoped to have a child to prove to her boyfriend.
Upon hearing that they had not conceived after living together for 5 years, the doctor mentioned that, given Sister Zhang’s age, when they first got together, she was only 41, which is considered a prime age for conception. However, since she had not conceived during this period, the issue might not solely lie with her but could also involve problems on the boyfriend’s side. Therefore, the doctor suggested that both should undergo examinations.
Upon further questioning by the doctor, Sister Zhang revealed that besides having one child with her ex-husband, she had not undergone any abortions or sterilization surgeries. She further disclosed that in the past few years of their relationship, she had spent over 500,000 yuan (approx. $75,000) on her boyfriend. However, her boyfriend now clearly stated that he would not stay with her if they couldn’t have a child, making childbirth an urgent matter for her. She also added that if she could successfully have a child this time, she would reward her boyfriend with another 1 million yuan (approx. $150,000). It’s unusual to hear of a woman rewarding a man for her own childbirth; one wonders if it’s extravagance or naivety.
After a thorough examination, it turned out that the issue was actually with the boyfriend.
Upon hearing Sister Zhang’s explanation, the doctor couldn’t help but chuckle and jestingly said:
“Your boyfriend is quite lucky!”
Seeing Sister Zhang’s strong desire to have a child and given that her younger boyfriend did not show up, the doctor proceeded to conduct a physical examination on her. After a comprehensive check-up, it was evident that Sister Zhang was in good shape due to her financial means, and her body functions were better than those of her peers. At 46, her body age was roughly equivalent to around 40 years old, so the issue of infertility was likely not her fault but probably lay with her younger boyfriend.
Upon learning that she was not the issue, Sister Zhang further mentioned to the doctor that apart from her boyfriend being younger, he was also good-looking, even more attractive than many girls. Hearing this crucial information, the doctor quickly reminded her that many men who look more feminine might have reproductive problems, possibly due to inadequate masculine features.
Indeed, after the doctor’s warning, Sister Zhang realized that her boyfriend was indeed of the type without much facial hair.
As the doctor’s speculation seemed accurate, he then asked Sister Zhang whether her boyfriend had been in a relationship where his partner got pregnant. Sister Zhang mentioned that her boyfriend had told her he was his first love when they got together, which couldn’t be verified.
Lastly, upon understanding Sister Zhang’s eagerness for a child, the doctor advised her to bring her boyfriend for a check-up if she truly wanted to have a child, as the likelihood of issues lying with the boyfriend was higher as per the examination results.
The best relationships always involve mutual understanding.
In a romantic relationship, whether choosing someone of the same age, older, or younger, there are no strict rules. Each person can choose based on their preferences and opportunities.
In fact, whether having an intense relationship with a significant age gap or falling in love with a mature and stable “uncle,” longevity in a relationship doesn’t depend on age.
The “love personality theory” suggests that
The person best suited for you is one who matches you in lifestyle, emotional patterns, experiences, values, and personality. Good love has no set standard, but to avoid unnecessary detours, mutual understanding is essential.
For Sister Zhang, the dynamics of her relationship with her boyfriend clearly depict a scenario of her being dominant and him being submissive. To put it bluntly, her boyfriend seems like a freeloader. Being with such a man raises doubts about his sincerity towards her and his ability to provide for the family in the future. At 46, she is already at an advanced maternal age, and encountering an irresponsible partner poses risks for both Sister Zhang and a potential child.
Children should be the product of love and not born out of impulse. Sister Zhang’s urgent desire to have a child stems from a desire to maintain their relationship by having a child as a bond and to prove that she is still young. A woman’s primary focus should be on pleasing herself. When economically independent and capable, there’s no rush to prove oneself to others.
In the world of older woman-younger man relationships, what constitutes the essence of love? Firstly, genuine attraction should be based on the person themselves and not on wealth or appearance; secondly, emotional complementarity should involve mutual support; thirdly, coexistence in daily life, where all relationships ultimately come down to everyday matters. The longevity of a relationship depends on both significant planning and everyday interactions.
It is hoped that women in any age group retain their ability to love and do not lose their rationality.
Today’s discussion topic: Do you think Sister Zhang should take the risk to have a child?
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