Yishu said:
Love yourself, be steady, and then love others.
The correct way for a woman to love a man is not to be submissive and compliant, but to first learn to love herself, then she can truly love the other person. Loving someone is not about excessive dependence or extreme desire, but allowing everything to happen naturally.
Love should be an enhancement to life, not a shackle.
A woman should learn to reserve part of her love for herself and learn to give her partner some distance, thereby earning her own place in his heart.
Often, we find that when a man is pursuing you, he is extremely agreeable, but once he has you, he starts to treat you with indifference. In fact, it is not that the man has lost interest; it is a psychological effect known as
“the law of diminishing returns on happiness.”
The effect of diminishing happiness:
When people experience satisfaction from a certain item in specific situations, that satisfaction tends to decrease as the quantity of the item increases.
In emotional relationships, the passion and intimacy between two people do not necessarily increase over time; rather, the deeper the relationship, the more scarce and unsatisfied the psychological expectations towards each other become. At this point, what a woman should do is not to frantically increase her stakes in an attempt to bind herself to her partner but to appropriately give him some distance to keep the relationship warm.
01 Loving too much is actually a disaster
Famous emotional program host Tu Lei said:
“The real tragedy in love is that infatuation accompanies selfishness, deep love goes hand in hand with stubbornness. Once love becomes entangled, absurd ignorance floods the scene.”
Love is indeed beautiful, but when forced, it becomes too passionate and heavy. The more a woman tries to control her partner, the more he wants to escape.
In 1930s Hong Kong, the top courtesan Ru Hua and the young master Chen Shier had a deep affection at first sight. Ru Hua was charming and multifaceted, while Chen Shier was a famous wealthy young master, handsome and dashing, with a prominent family. Their love, between a wealthy young master and a courtesan, could never escape the shackles of social ethics, no matter how far it traveled.
Psychological studies show that intimate interactions with a lover are a significant source of our emotions. When we care too much about every interaction in the relationship, any slight discontent can easily be magnified, drawing us into an uncontrollable emotional whirlpool.
Although the early phase of a relationship is filled with tenderness, Chen Shier, who changed himself for love, eventually experienced a dramatic change in temperament when faced with hardships and humiliations. He began to weigh whether it was worth it to be so infatuated with one woman. After facing numerous tests from reality, he decided to break up with Ru Hua.
Although Chen Shier had already planned to give up, Ru Hua had completely fallen, and in pursuit of a lifelong union, infatuated with love, she planned to join Chen Shier in death, believing that this way they could be together forever.
Li Bihua wrote in “Rouge Button”:
“The worst flaw in a person is not seeing through worldly affairs, holding onto worries, and tormenting oneself until the last second of life.”
No relationship can escape the law of “extreme opposites,” where the more one loves, the deeper the eventual hurt. Ru Hua, leaping for love, but she…
