Recently, my friend Lanlan met a guy on a blind date website. The guy is similar in age to her, holds a master’s degree, earns an annual income of 200,000 to 300,000, and has decent overall conditions. Lanlan was full of anticipation when she met him for the first time.
After returning, Lanlan said that as soon as she met him, he claimed to be someone who loves reasoning a lot.
Upon hearing this, I couldn’t help but feel a pang in my heart: in arguments between men and women, the most common phrase from men is “Why are women so unreasonable.”
For a man to proactively claim to love reasoning so much on the first meeting with a blind date, the underlying meaning is worth pondering.
Lanlan said, “Although he claims to love reasoning, he is the most difficult person to communicate with that I have ever met.”
Perhaps to many, a man who loves reasoning seems good, better than those who are completely clueless.
So why does Lanlan find it hard to communicate with this man who loves reasoning?
As Lanlan revealed more details, I understood that—when this guy claims to love reasoning, he actually wants you to do things according to his ideas.
He wants you to just obey him, rather than engage in rational communication.
Therefore, when a man claims he loves reasoning, you need to carefully consider the implications behind his words, which often involve three possibilities.
01
He wants you to hear him out, solely to protect his own interests.
Like the reasoning-loving guy Lanlan encountered, he simply wants her to comply with his wishes.
He is a STEM guy, with a logical way of thinking, emphasizing logical reasoning. He excels at leading Lanlan to do things his way using his set of logical arguments.
Shortly after meeting, he emphasized his love for reasoning, hoping Lanlan could be more rational.
He immediately started making demands of Lanlan, making her uncomfortable. In response, Lanlan said, “Love is the key in a relationship, but I will try to maintain rationality.”
Regarding buying a house, he said it wasn’t suitable due to the market conditions and preferred renting after marriage. If they had to buy, his income might only afford a small old house, which he didn’t prefer, and he also expected financial support from the woman.
Lanlan suggested not buying a house since she already owned one with a car, and their future children could use her registered residence as she had a property in a good school district, eliminating worries about kindergarten, primary, and middle school admissions.
His demeanor changed instantly upon hearing this, verbally saying “It doesn’t matter whose residence it is,” but in a cold tone.
He also expressed a desire for Lanlan to spend more time at home doing housework and taking care of children. However, Lanlan, a career-oriented woman who disliked housework due to lack of time, preferred hiring help.
He simply commented that “Children need words and actions to learn,” and didn’t elaborate further.
Lastly, on the issue of dowry, based on his hometown customs, dowries ranged between 80,000 to 100,000. However, he mentioned his colleagues didn’t give dowries, considering it a mere gesture for auspicious beginnings and not significant.
His so-called reasoning was just a set of excuses to serve his own interests, never based on objective facts, let alone considering Lanlan’s benefit objectively.
It’s understandable why Lanlan called him “the most challenging man she has encountered.”
02
He acts rationally but tends to overlook his partner’s emotional needs.
Encountering a man like Lanlan did, who uses claiming to love reasoning to make you comply, is rare. Most men who love reasoning are simply rational in their approach.
However, these reasoning-loving men may get too absorbed in their logical world, overlooking their partner’s emotional needs.
They believe solving problems is as simple as explaining logic to their partners, failing to recognize what their partners truly desire and lacking awareness that emotional comfort and resonance are paramount in intimate relationships.
I once heard a friend vent about her husband making the same mistake: after a tough day at work, she ranted to her husband who immediately interrupted with, “You are wrong, you should…” causing her frustration.
After being tormented at work all day, she sought comfort, but instead, she was lectured. This worsened her mood, leading to an outburst.
When facing setbacks and seeking warmth from loved ones after a tiring day, reasoning-loving men often switch to “teaching mode”, analyzing issues extensively instead of offering emotional support.
They fail to grasp their partners’ urgent need for emotional support, leaving them feeling neglected, suppressed, and overlooked during moments requiring care and emotional connection.
Over time, such emotional detachment builds an invisible wall between partners, leading to mutual alienation.
In intimate relationships, every moment must be understood beyond logic and reasoning.
Each person has unique feelings and experiences, genuine partners should empathize and understand each other’s emotions.
However, reasoning-loving men are too fixated on right or wrong and logical rationality, lacking the depth to understand emotional fluctuations.
They fail to dive into our inner world, unable to provide the understanding and acceptance we yearn for.
This mode of interaction can lead to loneliness and helplessness within a relationship, hindering mutual reliance and trust.
So, when they start reasoning, one must promptly express their emotional needs because they struggle to empathize. We must open our hearts, helping them truly hear and see what we truly desire.
03
He remains calm, rational, and helps find solutions to problems.
Of course, a man who loves reasoning isn’t entirely negative; it plays a crucial role in strengthening intimate relationships.
In relationships, conflicts are inevitable. During significant conflicts, many women may get anxious and distressed. Here, a man who loves reasoning can keep things rational, which proves vital.
During such times, a man’s calmness and rationality can stabilize a woman’s chaotic thoughts, identify underlying issues, and find solutions.
Men who love reasoning typically exhibit strong logical reasoning skills. They excel in problem analysis, breaking down complex situations into clear parts and articulating their points methodically.
This logical prowess can indeed offer effective problem-solving strategies in certain situations.
Facing conflicts, these men prefer resolving issues through reasoning. They believe rational discourse can dissolve differences without escalating conflicts into emotional arguments.
Approaching problems with relative calmness helps prevent conflicts from worsening, preserving emotional well-being and avoiding escalating tensions.
When you are furious and need to vent, and they remain cool, while it may not soothe your frustrations, it prevents conflict escalation. It prevents emotional harm and allows understanding of differing perspectives.
A man who loves reasoning may use it as a way to manage relationships, expressing care indirectly.
As women, we must handle and resolve such potential conflicts with high emotional intelligence, aiming for harmonious and fulfilling relationships.
Understanding and acceptance remain timeless themes in love.
If your partner’s logical thinking and love for reasoning don’t intentionally dismiss your emotional needs, accepting this trait can nurture your relationship.
However, if they use reason to dictate actions, it’s essential to address it promptly, reclaim control, or move on!
Author| Lì Gē, a certified Level-3 psychological counselor, has been in the emotional industry for seven years, focusing on personal growth and deriving life lessons from others’ stories.
