While reading Zhao Shuli’s “Xiao Er Hei Gets Married,” one character, Sanxian Gu, left a deep impression.
Sanxian Gu became a single mother at a young age, raising her daughter Xiaoqin alone. Perhaps due to years of loneliness, when she learned that Xiaoqin was being pursued, she felt a sense of loss and jealousy.
Sanxian Gu believed she was still young, but the wrinkles on her face told her otherwise. Thus, she applied makeup every day, dressing herself up vividly.
As a result, not only did men not find her appealing, but they also felt that Sanxian Gu was trying too hard to appear young, given that she was already in her forties; it all seemed unnatural.
This shows that for middle-aged women, relying on beauty to attract men simply doesn’t work, as even the most beautiful among us can’t compete with fresh and sweet young girls in their early twenties.
Therefore, in middle age, wanting to attract men’s hearts is not just about looking good; there are other essential aspects to consider.
1. Not being affected by negative emotions, understanding oneself.
No one wants to interact with emotional people, as we never know which careless word might touch their sore spot, provoking anger.
Dealing with such individuals requires us to be very cautious, carefully considering every word. It is exhausting to relate with emotional people.
A person with emotional stability, on the other hand, will always think of solutions first when faced with any situation. Being with such a person allows us to relax.
This applies to relationships as well; being together with an emotional person can be draining. Over time, we may feel like an emotional dumpster, and our own emotions can also be affected, becoming quite poor.
Therefore, the sense of relaxation and comfort provided by an emotionally stable person is irreplaceable, and this comfort is the most crucial factor in interpersonal relationships.
The philosopher Hermann Hesse said, “For everyone, there is only one true duty: to find oneself. Then, hold onto it in the heart for a lifetime, wholeheartedly, without stopping.”
We need to review ourselves, discover our shortcomings, improve where necessary, and enhance ourselves from within to release our own charm.
2. Not seeking comfort without progress, understanding beyond oneself.
Placing a frog in boiling water, it will jump out immediately to save itself from danger.
However, if the frog is placed in warm water where the temperature is not high, it will not jump out right away but will leisurely swim around.
As the temperature continues to rise, the frog may want to jump out, but its limbs have already lost strength, and in the end, it can only perish in the boiling water.
This is the famous “boiling frog” effect; a comfortable environment can dull a person’s will, causing them to lose their ability to respond to sudden events and merely wait for their doom.
Life can sometimes feel like warm water. If we stay in this environment for too long, we will adapt to the state and numb our nerves.
Yang Lan once said, “In the face of a constantly changing world, we need the ability to adjust ourselves and continuously learn.”
If we seek comfort, thinking our age means we shouldn’t bother anymore, or if we remain stagnant in a circle, we will lack many joys in life, and many opportunities will slip away.
Thus, do not let yourself stay in one environment for too long; occasionally, step out of your comfort zone to broaden your horizons and enrich your spiritual world.
3. Not being overly accommodating to the point of humbling oneself; understanding how to please oneself.
As stated in “No Longer Human”: “I concealed my frustration within, persistently covering up my melancholy and sensitivity, striving to disguise myself as a pure and innocent optimist, and gradually molding myself into a comical and amusing freak.”
We place great importance on all relationships, fearing that others may feel wronged because of us. Therefore, we would rather endure grievances ourselves to keep others happy.
When work that doesn’t belong to us is requested by others, we do not refuse but instead oblige;
When others bully us and take advantage, we often think that suffering losses is a blessing, preferring to avoid conflict rather than deal with it. We…
