Afeng is a first-year junior high school student, of medium build, introverted, and speaks very little. He has an elder sister who is in high school and performs well academically. Afeng is a boy in the family, and his family members rarely assign him household chores, indicating weak self-reliance. As a boy in the family, his parents have high expectations of him. If he fails to meet their expectations, physical punishment from his father is the primary form of discipline, using a simplistic and rough approach. His mother is more forceful and lacks effective educational guidance for the children. Afeng interacts less with classmates, often daydreams in class, looks gloomy, and his academic performance is average. Due to his reluctance to go to school, Afeng’s mother made an appointment for a consultation session on the official website and accompanied him to the counseling room.
When entering, Afeng kept his head down and remained silent. He spoke very little in response to my questions, but after deeper communication, he finally expressed his extreme fear of going to school. Despite expressing multiple times to his parents that he does not want to go to school, they disagree. Every Sunday afternoon, he dreads the idea of returning to school, feeling restless, sweating, anxious, pale, as if a massive weight is crushing him, making it hard to breathe. Everything is fine at home as long as he doesn’t have to go to school, and he doesn’t display the mentioned behaviors. Afeng mentioned that he has no close friends to play with at school, and the classmates he was close to in elementary school are not in the same school as him, resulting in feeling lonely. He struggles during evening study sessions and longs for the carefree elementary school life where he could go home every day. It takes a long time for him to fall asleep, and since starting school, it has been over half a year, taking him past 1 a.m. to sleep every night.
There are conflicts within the family, and Afeng feels tense internally, dissatisfied with the family situation and rebellious towards it. His conflicts are mainly with his mother, as she is a dominant woman with a strong influence on him, exhibiting strong control in daily life.
On one hand, he relies on and needs his mother, but on the other hand, he resists and defends against her. He is defensive towards external influences and opposes suggestions, opinions, and advice, including those from teachers and parents, in his mind without expressing it. While appearing obedient and well-behaved superficially, this silent resistance may eventually lead to behavioral issues. He struggles with social interactions and faces communication barriers with peers.
Me: Do you wish you had a very good mother?
Afeng: Of course.
Me: What do you hope from your mother?
Afeng: Understanding me.
Me: Oh, you wish your mother could understand you. Do you think your mother currently understands you?
Afeng: No.
Delaying going to school, avoiding school, or hiding at school only provides short-term relief to Afeng, temporarily reducing heightened emotions of fear and anxiety. However, it doesn’t resolve the underlying issues and could lead to impaired social functioning, academic impact, and difficulties in integrating into society. After hearing my analysis of his psychological issues, Afeng acknowledged it. I immediately asked if he would be willing to change if I could help him, to which he eagerly agreed. Through intervention with scenario reconstruction, Afeng discovered that facing his fears made them disappear. He wanted to grasp the feeling of fear, but it was gone.
Why do many people understand principles but fail to act accordingly? While understanding exists on the conscious level, the subconscious often dictates our actions. Memory reconsolidation intervention works on the subconscious level, restructuring pathological memories. In a subconscious state, I found Afeng’s pathological memory when he was young and dropped the TV remote control. Feeling like he had made a mistake, he immediately tensed up with self-blame. At that moment, his mother made a disapproving sound, appearing annoyed and unsatisfied, saying he couldn’t hold things properly. Afeng felt especially scared after hearing his mother’s words, fearing her blame. By reorganizing Afeng’s pathological memory, he could understand his mother’s expectations and feel the warmth of her love, gaining strength from it.
I provided family guidance to Afeng’s mother, delving deeper into the connection between her son’s fear of school and her own issues. Encouraging reduced control over the child, separate sleeping arrangements were created, nurturing the child’s independence.
After two months of memory reconsolidation intervention, Afeng fully adapted to school life, overcame his fear of school, improved his attitude towards studies, and was even seen playing with classmates on the playground. His anger towards his mother, resistive negative emotions vanished, and their relationship improved. On one hand, he no longer suppresses his thoughts and has learned to communicate openly. On the other hand, he can now accept and consider other people’s opinions without resistance.
