Do you often encounter this situation: you know that exercising is good for your body, but you still lie on the couch playing with your phone; you know you should focus on work, but you are attracted by games and short videos.
Why do we know that we should do valuable and meaningful things, but still get distracted by irrelevant matters?
This involves an important concept in psychology: delayed gratification.
Delayed gratification means that a person can restrain current desires and give up immediate temptations for long-term goals.
Stanford University psychologist Walter Mischel and his team conducted a famous “marshmallow experiment.”
The researchers had a group of four- to five-year-old children sit at a table, with a marshmallow in front of each child, telling them they could eat it immediately.
But then the researchers said that if they could wait for 15 minutes, after the researchers completed an hour of work, they could have two marshmallows.
Many children immediately ate the marshmallow, while others tried to resist the temptation. However, as they kept looking at the marshmallow, their resistance weakened.
Subsequently, the researchers provided psychological strategies to help children overcome inner conflicts, such as guiding them to imagine a frame around the marshmallow, making it look like a photo rather than food.
The children who used this method were more patient in waiting and eventually obtained the second marshmallow, indicating that self-control can be cultivated.
This experiment tells us how crucial delayed gratification is for a person’s growth and development. But why can some people do it while others find it challenging_
Firstly, this is related to our brain structure.
Our brain has two systems: one is the “emotional system” responsible for immediate reactions, and the other is the “cognitive system” responsible for rational thinking.
When faced with temptation, the emotional system is immediately activated, creating the impulse of wanting immediate satisfaction. The cognitive system requires more time and energy to operate, assisting us in weighing pros and cons to make rational decisions.
Developing the ability of delayed gratification involves training our cognitive system to better control the emotional system.
Secondly, environmental factors also influence delayed gratification.
I have noticed that many people nowadays are restless, more inclined to seek immediate satisfaction while working, wanting to see results quickly.
For example, a person who grew up in an unstable family environment may develop a mindset of “enjoying the moment” because they are uncertain about the future.
Conversely, someone living in a stable environment is more likely to cultivate the ability of delayed gratification.
With that, I’d like to share some tips on improving your ability of delayed gratification, hoping it will be useful to you.
1. Break down big goals into small ones
Have you ever had such an experience:
Sometimes, when the goal is set too big, feeling anxious and lost when realizing it is still far from achieving it.
Breaking it down betters the situation; you can accomplish them one by one, rewarding yourself with each completion.
Therefore, I suggest setting a clear long-term goal first, then breaking it down to achieve each step.
The benefit of doing this is that in pursuing the long-term goal, we can gain some instant satisfaction.
2. Learn self-motivation
I remember when I first started developing the habit of waking up early, waking up a bit earlier each day, I would reward myself.
Even a few simple words of encouragement made me feel accomplished and motivated.
When you successfully delay gratification, you can engage in positive self-talk, like “You’re great, you did it.”
Don’t underestimate a few simple words; this can boost your confidence, ensuring you have the confidence to persevere.
3. Create favorable environments
For example, if you want to reduce phone usage, keep the phone out of sight; if you want to lose weight, avoid buying snacks or keeping them visible.
3. Cultivate a habit of mindfulness meditation
Mindfulness meditation helps us better observe our thoughts and emotions, enhancing self-control.
4. Enjoy the process
Often, the difficulty in persisting is because we don’t enjoy the process and solely focus on the outcome.
I genuinely suggest that you enjoy the effort process and not overly concentrate on the result while working.
After continuous practice, you’ll find delayed gratification less challenging.
Remember, don’t be discouraged by temporary setbacks and failures.
Think of it this way, every attempt, every failure, is exercising our muscles, making them stronger.
Just as a saying goes: “Self-control is like a muscle; the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.”
