01 Chinese people are more willing to express physical discomfort
Professionals in the field of psychological counseling and therapy in our country generally recognize that there are significant differences in psychological expression between Chinese people and Westerners.
Western societies tend to express negative emotions more directly. When facing psychological distress, they are more likely to directly confide in a psychologist, saying, “I am struggling emotionally.”
In contrast, Chinese people are more reserved and do not often directly express negative emotions. Instead, they tend to transform these emotions into physical discomfort.
According to experts, at least 40% of cases among patients in internal medicine clinics stem from emotional or psychological issues rather than purely physiological diseases.
Moreover, some patients do indeed have physical illnesses, but these illnesses are often triggered by long-term accumulation of negative emotions and classified as “psychosomatic illnesses.”
It is worth noting that once these emotional issues are effectively guided and resolved, accompanying emotion-related illnesses can often be rapidly relieved, and may even naturally recover without relying on medication.
Within the group of individuals with stubborn chronic illnesses, this proportion is even higher, highlighting the importance of psychological intervention in health management.
02 We do not intentionally get sick
Based on my observation, there is a group of individuals with specific character tendencies who seem more prone to health dilemmas.
These individuals have a mild and timid personality, accustomed to suppressing their negative emotions and avoiding direct expression.
In order to maintain surface harmony, they adopt an extreme approach: unconditionally being good to others, even sacrificing themselves in conflicts for temporary calmness.
On the surface, they appear caring towards others, but upon deeper analysis, it is not difficult to discover that their motives behind are more of an “emotional investment,” expecting equivalent returns or even excessive satisfaction.
This “kindness” does not originate from pure compassion but rather an implicit emotional transaction, hoping to control or influence others’ behavior through it.
Deep down in their hearts, although not explicitly expressed, they yearn for the other party to perceive and fulfill their unspoken needs – “I treat you kindly, you should also reciprocate in the same manner.”
Furthermore, when these psychological defense mechanisms and interpersonal control strategies are excessively reinforced, they may even trigger severe physiological illnesses such as cancer. Modern medicine has gradually recognized the significant role of negative emotions in the formation of such diseases.
This undoubtedly is an irony: originally intended as a psychological defense mechanism, it unexpectedly threatens one’s own health and life.
For this group of individuals, we should offer more understanding and care, helping them recognize the psychological motivations behind their behaviors and seek healthier, positive communication ways and interpersonal interaction strategies.
03 Learning to live for oneself is not evil or sinful
We should learn to care for ourselves while caring for others – living for oneself is not a selfish act but a form of healthy self-love.
In Chinese culture, since the era of Xunzi, there has been a misunderstanding that selfless service to others is the ultimate virtue and good, while self-care is equated with selfishness and evil.
True kindness should not be limited to loving others, but should also include treating oneself kindly. Love is expansive and inclusive, encompassing both loving others and loving oneself.
Someone who cannot genuinely love themselves often appears feeble in offering love to others, and may even fall into a hypocritical state. Because an individual who is internally unhappy and unsatisfied finds it difficult to consistently bring genuine happiness and warmth to others.
It is essential to uphold one’s own stance and interests, which does not equate to evil as long as it does not harm others. Self-interest is justifiable in this process.
As the ancients said: “When a person is sick, heaven is aware.” But more importantly, have we ourselves recognized these “illnesses” – those psychological and behavioral patterns that limit our growth and affect our happiness.
Only through self-realization, understanding the root of the problems, and courage to change, can we break free from these constraints and let the tree of life grow stronger. Living for oneself not only shows respect and care for oneself but also serves as the cornerstone for achieving higher levels of love and virtuous deeds.
